On tiredness and unemployment

Scrawl 01Y02

Few days ago, I lost my day job. I used to work as a bookseller, I did a good job there. But it was not an economic choice from them. They recruited someone else. “Maybe that person is a better match with the company’s culture? We don’t understand what happened” said one of my ex-colleague. Beside the initial shock that it induced, I tried to cope with this bad news with positive thoughts. It did not help. Questions and self-doubt kept invading my mind. Why would they dump me? I worked for them during two years, always ready to give everything I had in me. Delivering good advice to my clients, giving feedback to my hierarchy when something seemed odd, etc.

The major advice that I learned from this experience was simple. Don’t be loyal to your employer. It is not worth it, and they don’t care.

Here I am, typing those words, fighting with what I have left of a brain to find answers. We are in December. When I look at my logs, I was not productive at all. I have a full leap year of photography, even if I want to go out and snap every little details, the mundanity of life. My financial situation is not stable and it affects my psyche. There is much more to be said about my mental state of the moment, about how shitty this year was.

Whatever, I should do something else than worrying, I’m fed up paying the price of something I do not control. Let’s make something out of the time I have now.